fashion, style and more; bump & beyond blog — our moms

Sometimes people say foolish things to other humans.  This happens with even more frequency when you're pregnant it seems.  We often say that pregnant women should just travel with a roll of duct tape to shut people up, like if they say:

"You're HUGE!" REALLY?  Whatever made anyone think that that would ever be an okay thing to say to anyone?  Ever?  Especially a pregnant, hormonal person?  And they apparently say it all the time, the world over.

"You don't look pregnant." 

Great so, I just look like I got fat, is that what you're saying?  This one is sometimes maybe meant as a compliment? We're just baffled.

"You're too skinny, are you sure that the baby is okay?" 

Right, thanks, sorry, are you a doctor? Because that's also exactly what pregnant women want to hear.

"Are you sure it's not twins?" Our favorite response to this one, to date, is "Yes.  Absolutely sure.  It's quintuplets." What else can you say?

"Wow, you look pregnant already"  Someone asked us the other day  "Am I already doing this parenting thing wrong?!" No!  You look pregnant because you are pregnant.  Already is now! Lesson to be learned; starting now, you will not do everything the way someone somewhere thinks that you should.  Get over the shoulding, it has no place in your world.

"Any day now?" Why can people not understand that unless they know a person's due date?  They do not know a person's due date. Nuff said? We all carry differently.

"Ohh, and you're expecting another?" to anyone holding a baby under the age of 4 months.  No.  Just no.  Even if I was pregnant again, I would not yet be showing!  There are some people out there with day nurses, night nurses, personal trainers and an arsenal of shapewear.  The rest of us just look pregnant.  For a while.  Just the facts.

"Should you really be wearing those heels/lifting that box/taking a sip of your spouses wine/riding that bicycle...." This is a perfect opportunity to start practicing saying "I'm sorry? Did you say something?" (This one gives them an opportunity to get out of a bad situation.) "Yes, apparently I feel that I should." "I'm sorry, I don't think that I asked, did I? I seem to be doing fine and so is my baby." Because if you think that people are all in your business now, just wait until you have the baby!


"It must be a girl, you're carrying all around/in your butt/on your backside." I'm sorry!?  What?  Yes, we've heard this more than once.  It sometimes seems that people truly do not think before speaking.  It's unfortunate. For them.  Rock that baby bottom and move away from the meanies. They're just jealous.  Or something.

" You've got good child bearing hips." Yep, and if this comes from your mother-in-law, it's a long road ahead, so this is a perfect opportunity to learn something which will come in handy in the toddler years, with the toddler and many others, I-G-N-O-R-E.

People say all sorts of things.  Breathe in.  breathe out.  You are perfect.  The people speaking may be lovely, but they aren't yet perfect. 

There is a saying, "Time is on your side", and the Stones sang "Time is on My Side" but, seriously?! Whoever said that did not have children. 

And time has changed.  These things were said before Pokemon, before Twitter, before Instagram, before Facebook, before Pinterest, before email! You know, in the dark ages.

How Time has Changed

Now added to parenting; places to post pictures; emails to respond to; pins to find tonight's maybe-dinner before you just order dinner and look for vacation spots quickly, so you have time to go back and check all those parenting blogs to make sure that you're parenting alright (hopefully after day 2 you gave up on "right")....oh, and hold on, the kids want some time.  Riiiiight. 

I just bought a car.  The pile on the right is the manuals.  On the left, the "getting to know your new car" pamphlet. I might read the pamphlet. Maybe. I already have a license, and insurance, and credit, so, they're not really worried. 

 Where's the Manual for this thing?!

No one has time for the manuals.  The same with parenting.  If you read every book and blog you'll be overwhelmed.  Not a good thing.  Keep your eyes on the road/the baby. You'll do fine.

The manual/books/blogs are there if you need them. Seriously. If you feel too terrified, sad, scared, depressed- hire a professional. There's no shame in that if it's in the budget, if it's not in the budget, there are hotlines and services, no shame in that either.  The experts have time to read the manuals!

A Word on Doing it Right

You're doing it right.  Perfectly?  No.  Right?  Yes.. First baby?  You've never done it before, and it's really important, you want to make sure that you read the manual for the right year's model. But. They are all different.  Which is wonderful, but means that there is no manual. You have to read a little here and a little there and then look at your baby and talk to friends and family and do what feels right to you. 

And.  You will make mistakes.

You will start to go down that one way street the wrong way, you'll run that "yellow" light. Good odds that that beloved bundle will roll off something-a bed, a chair, your lap, a changing table, a stair.  Completely unscientific survey?  Most do.  You and baby will be fine.  The odds are with you.

Time is Relative

And time? Time is on your side.  Let the urgent things slip slide away.  Focus on the important.  Enjoy the next fifteen minutes.  If it feels okay, try the next fifteen. Whatever feels okay to you, take the time when you can.  You don't get that new car smell back, or that top of baby's head smell either.

There used to be, written in cement, at the corner of Clayton and Fell in San Francisco "Time is Money. Save Some Today".  I don't live over there any longer.  I often wonder if it's still there.  I have't had time to look.  That's okay.  It's not that important.  I'll save that time for something else.  It's a choice:)

The more that you can do with each piece that you add to your maternity wardrobe the better. The best way to stretch a shrinking wardrobe is to start with, and stock up on, what we refer to as "blank slate" pieces. Blank Slate Pieces will take you anywhere and everywhere because you may be pregnant, but you still get to go out and about, look fab and have fun.

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Some days, we all need a little comforting. The world is wide and wonderful in so many ways, and, as discussed with a mama 2b the the other day, it is important not to lose sight of that. 

And to laugh and smile.

This mama was trying to get her head around the tragedy going on in the world around her, and was feeling like all she wanted was "comfort food and comfort dressing".  So, she was bringing on the mac and cheese big time apparently, and was in for a duplication of the outfit that she was wearing, in different colors, "I just can't seem to really change my clothes every morning, and my husband, bless him, said that I look beautiful, but suggested that maybe the shop had these pieces in other colors? Ha!"

This is  what she wore in:

This is what she wore out -apparently she really had been wearing the same thing for 3 days and knew that her sanity and a degree of happiness could be achieved just by changing clothes.  "Plus, my husband will know that what I keep saying is true, I really am okay-hormonal, weepy, tired, but, caring about what i look like, and changing clothes might make him believe me!" 

And, at the risk of pushing it, we suggested a pair of the softest jeans ever, and she admitted that they were the softest ever, and maybe "real pants" in her closet would not be a bad thing, so, she added those and went home, saying that she felt like they should go out to dinner now that she had changed her clothes!

Fashion means different things to different people.  What makes you feel good is personal, and can change from day to day, but clothes do matter, they do make most people feel better.  We get to witness this every day.  And we are thankful.

 

 

 

Yesterday, again, we had loads of new moms in.  They all looked amazing. A few were more than a little shocked and distressed by what their post-partum bod looked like.  This post is dedicated to them.   With an aside gratitude to Kendra Wilkinson, who last year proved herself to be a caring, honest mom, and we are forever grateful. (See below for more on that.) 

Housing a baby can be rough on some bodies, and not at all on others.  The aftermath of growing an extra square foot of skin in 40 weeks can have a lasting effect on a body. Every body is different. no matter how tall or short, or full hipped or narrow hipped or..whatever your body type, your body, seemingly from forehead to toes, will change during pregnancy.  How or where? No guarantees besides this- your belly will get bigger.  Your upper arms, knees, hips, boobs?  Probably at least a couple of those too.

Your post-pregnancy will be no more familiar to you than your pregnant body was! It has done an amazing thing though-be nice to it. 

After delivery choose clothes that make you feel good! Listen to this mother of 3, Taryn Brumfitt.  She knows her stuff. Love this mama!

 

And-dress so you can feel like you-smart and sexy, just maybe not in a bikini?

 

The recipe for happiness for a few of yesterday's new moms in the shop? Belly Bandit's This has been a go to winning piece for years.  It sucks it all in, reminds you to engage your core  and yes, all wore their new BFF out of the shop, standing up a little taller and feeling a little brighter. No one ever said that parenting was going to be a breeze, did they?

    

 

The truth is that when one quickly adds 50 pounds, depending upon genes and luck, our bodies bounce back differently.  Lots of things help.  Letting go helps most.  Valuing yourself and teaching your children by modeling your values.  Spoiled Mama Tummy Butter can't be a bad thing, use it twice daily.  The BFF helps.  Exercise helps. None of it is a guarantee. 

Babies grow quickly at the end.  Bigger babies are healthy.  They can wreak havoc on our bodies. But look how they change our hearts.

All of which brings us to this:  Clothes matter.  We can choose what clothes to wear.  Our bodies?  Not so much.  Style yourself to feel your best.  Some new mamas skip the BFF and the Mother Tucker and still feel great once they get their new Body by Babe into styles that make them feel good.  No right or wrong.

 

next day:  OMG, I wrote this a couple of days ago, and didn't post, and then Kendra Wilkinson posted this with "Look what my 2 babies did... They made me happy. #happymothersday" Love her too!!!

Best Mother Award for sure! Perfection doesn't exist. Or, it does, when we realize that Imperfect is Perfect. Take care of you, be honest and unafraid, and it's all good Mama.