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    Parenting Primer: Time

    Parenting Primer: Time

    There is a saying, "Time is on your side", and the Stones sang "Time is on My Side" but, seriously?! Whoever said that did not have children. 

    And time has changed.  These things were said before Pokemon, before Twitter, before Instagram, before Facebook, before Pinterest, before email! You know, in the dark ages.

    How Time has Changed

    Now added to parenting; places to post pictures; emails to respond to; pins to find tonight's maybe-dinner before you just order dinner and look for vacation spots quickly, so you have time to go back and check all those parenting blogs to make sure that you're parenting alright (hopefully after day 2 you gave up on "right")....oh, and hold on, the kids want some time.  Riiiiight. 

    I just bought a car.  The pile on the right is the manuals.  On the left, the "getting to know your new car" pamphlet. I might read the pamphlet. Maybe. I already have a license, and insurance, and credit, so, they're not really worried. 

     Where's the Manual for this thing?!

    No one has time for the manuals.  The same with parenting.  If you read every book and blog you'll be overwhelmed.  Not a good thing.  Keep your eyes on the road/the baby. You'll do fine.

    The manual/books/blogs are there if you need them. Seriously. If you feel too terrified, sad, scared, depressed- hire a professional. There's no shame in that if it's in the budget, if it's not in the budget, there are hotlines and services, no shame in that either.  The experts have time to read the manuals!

    A Word on Doing it Right

    You're doing it right.  Perfectly?  No.  Right?  Yes.. First baby?  You've never done it before, and it's really important, you want to make sure that you read the manual for the right year's model. But. They are all different.  Which is wonderful, but means that there is no manual. You have to read a little here and a little there and then look at your baby and talk to friends and family and do what feels right to you. 

    And.  You will make mistakes.

    You will start to go down that one way street the wrong way, you'll run that "yellow" light. Good odds that that beloved bundle will roll off something-a bed, a chair, your lap, a changing table, a stair.  Completely unscientific survey?  Most do.  You and baby will be fine.  The odds are with you.

    Time is Relative

    And time? Time is on your side.  Let the urgent things slip slide away.  Focus on the important.  Enjoy the next fifteen minutes.  If it feels okay, try the next fifteen. Whatever feels okay to you, take the time when you can.  You don't get that new car smell back, or that top of baby's head smell either.

    There used to be, written in cement, at the corner of Clayton and Fell in San Francisco "Time is Money. Save Some Today".  I don't live over there any longer.  I often wonder if it's still there.  I have't had time to look.  That's okay.  It's not that important.  I'll save that time for something else.  It's a choice:)

    Body by Baby: bump & beyond

    Body by Baby: bump & beyond

    Yesterday, again, we had loads of new moms in.  They all looked amazing. A few were more than a little shocked and distressed by what their post-partum bod looked like.  This post is dedicated to them.   With an aside gratitude to Kendra Wilkinson, who last year proved herself to be a caring, honest mom, and we are forever grateful. (See below for more on that.) 

    Housing a baby can be rough on some bodies, and not at all on others.  The aftermath of growing an extra square foot of skin in 40 weeks can have a lasting effect on a body. Every body is different. no matter how tall or short, or full hipped or narrow hipped or..whatever your body type, your body, seemingly from forehead to toes, will change during pregnancy.  How or where? No guarantees besides this- your belly will get bigger.  Your upper arms, knees, hips, boobs?  Probably at least a couple of those too.

    Your post-pregnancy will be no more familiar to you than your pregnant body was! It has done an amazing thing though-be nice to it. 

    After delivery choose clothes that make you feel good! Listen to this mother of 3, Taryn Brumfitt.  She knows her stuff. Love this mama!

     

    And-dress so you can feel like you-smart and sexy, just maybe not in a bikini?

     

    The recipe for happiness for a few of yesterday's new moms in the shop? Belly Bandit's This has been a go to winning piece for years.  It sucks it all in, reminds you to engage your core  and yes, all wore their new BFF out of the shop, standing up a little taller and feeling a little brighter. No one ever said that parenting was going to be a breeze, did they?

        

     

    The truth is that when one quickly adds 50 pounds, depending upon genes and luck, our bodies bounce back differently.  Lots of things help.  Letting go helps most.  Valuing yourself and teaching your children by modeling your values.  Spoiled Mama Tummy Butter can't be a bad thing, use it twice daily.  The BFF helps.  Exercise helps. None of it is a guarantee. 

    Babies grow quickly at the end.  Bigger babies are healthy.  They can wreak havoc on our bodies. But look how they change our hearts.

    All of which brings us to this:  Clothes matter.  We can choose what clothes to wear.  Our bodies?  Not so much.  Style yourself to feel your best.  Some new mamas skip the BFF and the Mother Tucker and still feel great once they get their new Body by Babe into styles that make them feel good.  No right or wrong.

     

    next day:  OMG, I wrote this a couple of days ago, and didn't post, and then Kendra Wilkinson posted this with "Look what my 2 babies did... They made me happy. #happymothersday" Love her too!!!

    Best Mother Award for sure! Perfection doesn't exist. Or, it does, when we realize that Imperfect is Perfect. Take care of you, be honest and unafraid, and it's all good Mama.

    Invaluable Tips Every New Mom Needs

    Invaluable Tips Every New Mom Needs

    If there is one thing a mom-to-be doesn’t need, it is more advice. The lady in the grocery store, the man at the next gas pump and every blessed family member has advice for an expectant mom.

    But most of it is impractical and not realistic, honestly. “Sleep when the baby sleeps,” for instance, assumes your baby will sleep at all and that you won’t have one million other things to do — like laundry and cooking.

    We don’t do moms-to-be any favors by glossing over the less romantic, more realistic advice they really do need to get through those first months. Here are six invaluable tips every new mom actually needs to hear:

    1. Two of You Will Go Home in Diapers

    Sure, you know the baby will go home in diapers. But did you know that you will probably wear diapers, too?

    Let’s get real. Your lady parts don’t go back to normal right away, and you’ll have days — and weeks — of bleeding and recovery ahead of you. Once the flow gets lighter, you can switch to pads, but in the beginning, lots of nurses and other moms recommend going for adult diapers. It’s easier just to throw them away when you go to the bathroom.  

    Also, take whatever free samples the hospital will give you. Some extra mesh underwear, adult diapers and spray bottles will help you in those first hazy days.

    One more pro tip: If you have more than one bathroom at home, leave supplies in each.

    1. Keep the Baby Clothed but the Car Seat Naked

    Well-meaning friends and relatives will get you all kinds of car seat accessories, like toys to hang from the handle and fancy covers and liners. 

    However, those car seat accessories are not part of the rigorous safety testing each seat must undergo. They could cause harm if in an accident, or they might even interfere with the harness itself. In some cases, those trinkets void your seat’s warranty as well. Basic — and safe — is best when it comes to the car seat.

    1. Swim Diapers Are Not Made Equal

    Taking baby for their first swim is so much fun. The look on your little one’s face as they feel the water all around them is priceless. But your entire experience can be soiled — pun intended — by relying too much on the swim diapers.

    Don’t put baby in the swim diaper until you’re at the pool or the beach. The swim diapers don’t actually hold a lot of water, which is what keeps them from sagging once in the pool. However, that means if little one tinkles while on dry land, it will probably go everywhere. Consider yourself warned. 

    1. Your Nipples Will Hurt — And Leak

    Images of moms snuggling their babies, all wrapped in cute blankets and radiating a dewy glow, aren’t entirely realistic. Sure, you’ve just brought another human into the world and the joy and euphoria is overwhelming at times.

    Side note: Sometimes you don’t feel joy. You feel anxiety, which is normal. You are now completely responsible for this tiny human — and there are no instructions.

    However, reach out for help if you think you might be experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety. It’s more common than you think, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

    Anyway, what those images don’t convey is the pain that mom is feeling in her nipples. Baby has to learn to latch correctly, and while they practice, your nipples are going to hurt like the dickens. Nipple ointment or coconut oil and soft breast pads will be your friends, since leaking is normal as well.  You’ll also want to invest in some solid, cozy nursing apparel to feel more like a human so you’re not living in your oversized tees or stretching your v-necks to the point of no return.

    While we are on the topic of boobs, it is also normal to experience engorgement as your milk comes in and baby’s appetite increases. Stick to well fitting bras and change your nursing pads regularly to avoid clogged ducts and infection. 

    1. Fed Is Best

    On the other hand, your baby might not be latching because breastfeeding hasn’t worked out for you, or because you’ve decided it’s not the best choice for your family. 

    Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for not breastfeeding. Remember that while “breast is best” and “bottle is better” or any other slogan that might be repeated to you, at the end of the day, fed is best. Just feed that baby — whichever way is best for mom and little one.

    1. There Is a Witching Hour — or Four

    Your baby has been in a cozy, peaceful place — your body — for the last nine months. Now they’re in a crazy world with all kinds of stimulation. They’re bound to get overwhelmed, and they express it during a time many moms call “the witching hours.”

    Some experts refer to these months of getting used to the world as “The Fourth Trimester,” when fussiness, gassiness, and general sleeplessness is at an all-time high. 

    Survive these first few months, and it really does get easier. In the meantime, try to re-create life in the womb to avoid the witching hour by playing white noise, swaddling baby tightly or wearing baby in a wrap or carrier. 

     

    If there is one thing you can definitely expect while you’re expecting, it is advice. But most of it is cliché and not very practical. These invaluable tips will help make those first bleary-eyed days just a little easier.

    from Mindfulness Mama-

    "find inner peace-even if you can't find your keys"

     

     

    10 Things to Say to a New Mom

    10 Things to Say to a New Mom

    These are posted at the request of a client who we were chatting with the other day, who had just had her third, and had a friend who'd just had her first:

     

    1.  "you look amazing!" -because, having just grown a human for 9 months and then spent anywhere from 1 to, oh, 48 hours, getting that baby to exit her body, which may have required major surgery, and even if it didn't is no piece of cake; she may look tired, she may look swollen, she may look a lot of things, but, given the circumstances?  she looks f*ng amazing.

     

    2. "how are you doing?"  and then wait for a response, and just listen and nod and let her talk, and if she says "great", then great.

     

    3. "have you gotten any vitamin d lately?  like, gotten out of the house?  could i possibly get some baby time in some day? maybe i could come over and hold him/her so you can get dressed and we can go for a walk? no pressure.  just an offer."

     

    4. "what can i do for you?"(not "is there anything i can do?") if she says "nothing but thanks", then follow up with "well, let me know if anything comes up" and give a list of a few things-grocery shopping, taking a stroll so she can bathe, bring by dinner or have it delivered, etc

     

    5. "what kind of help do you have?"

     

    6. "how's that sleeping thing?" because "how is the baby sleeping?" in the first few weeks?  yeah. silly question. whoever coined the phrase "sleeping like a baby" clearly never had a baby. what you want to know is-is mom getting any sleep what-so-ever. sleep deprivation is a form of torture.  literally.  everyone says "sleep when the baby sleeps"  but. not everyone heeds that advice, there are so many other things to do when the baby is sleeping!

     

    7. "remember- at 3 am your mind is a dangerous neighborhood that you shouldn't go into" (see above.  torture) ask her what she does to steer clear of that neighborhood? prayer or meditation? gratitude list? math problems? count sheep?  whatever it is (and we've heard a long list), having somewhere that you know to go is helpful.

     

    8."are you nursing?" if yes  " how's it going?"

     

    9. "you do eventually get your body back, don't panic. you'll have plenty of time to focus on your body later.  you know, when you get to sleep again. focus on self care now, not self fear and loathing."

     

    10. "did i mention?  you look amazing!"

     

    There are no doubt many more.  But those are the 10 that we discussed, so, as per request, there you have them Annie!

     

     

    Top o' the Morning...

    Top o' the Morning...

    ...and the afternoon, and the evening.  These tops just make life that much easier and chic-from 9 weeks, to 9 months, to waaay beyond. There's at least one for everyone, most people grab more than that- then grab another every time they come in.

    Love the Nicole with it's Tiffany glass-esque floral and fly-away back detail.

    Throw her on over a black pencil skirt or a pair of jeans and you are dressed. Love that.

    Mandy is the go-to summer fave of working mama's everywhere.

    Ah, Grace!  Feminine and floral and out the door you go.

    Nisha is simple, sophisticated and elegant, with an exposed zipper on her back just for added style. 

    There isn't a closet out there that doesn't love her.

    Last but not least, this pintuck detailed, button front top sprayed with teeny hearts is the perfect splash of summer.  Over white jeans for summer?  Uh huh.

    While none of these pieces are officially "bumped" they all go the distance. 

    And, while not officially "nursing", grab a MOM cami, layer it underneath- lift top up, pull neck of cami down-discreet, chic nursing achieved! 

    Mom made happy. Morning, noon and night.

    It's a good way to start your week.