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    fashion, style and more; bump & beyond blog

    Top 10 Things to NOT to Say to a Pregnant Woman

    Top 10 Things to NOT to Say to a Pregnant Woman

    Sometimes people say foolish things to other humans.  This happens with even more frequency when you're pregnant it seems.  We often say that pregnant women should just travel with a roll of duct tape to shut people up, like if they say:

    "You're HUGE!" 

    REALLY?  Whatever made anyone think that that would ever be an okay thing to say to anyone?  Ever?  Especially a pregnant, hormonal person?  And they apparently say it all the time, the world over.

    "You don't look pregnant." 

    Great so, I just look like I got fat, is that what you're saying?  This one is sometimes maybe meant as a compliment? We're just baffled.

    "You're too skinny, are you sure that the baby is okay?" 

    Right, thanks, sorry, are you a doctor? Because that's also exactly what pregnant women want to hear.

    "Are you sure it's not twins?"

    Our favorite response to this one, to date, is "Yes.  Absolutely sure.  It's quintuplets." What else can you say?


    "Wow, you look pregnant already."  

    Someone asked us the other day  "Am I already doing this parenting thing wrong?!" No!  You look pregnant because you are pregnant.  Already is now! Lesson to be learned; starting now, you will not do everything the way someone somewhere thinks that you should.  Get over the shoulding, it has no place in your world.


    "Any day now?" 

    Why can people not understand that unless they know a person's due date?  They do not know a person's due date. Nuff said? We all carry differently.

    "Ohh, and you're expecting another?" to anyone holding a baby under the age of 4 months. 

    No.  Just no.  even if I was pregnant again, I would not yet be showing!  There are some people out there with day nurses, night nurses, personal trainers and an arsenal of shapewear.  The rest of us just look pregnant.  For a while.  Just the facts.



    "Should you really be wearing those heels/lifting that box/taking a sip of your spouses wine/riding that bicycle...." 

    This is a perfect opportunity to start practicing saying "I'm sorry? Did you say something?" (This one gives them an opportunity to get out of a bad situation.) "Yes, apparently I feel that I should." "I'm sorry, I don't think that I asked, did I? I seem to be doing fine and so is my baby." Because if you think that people are all in your business now, just wait until you have the baby!


    "It must be a girl, you're carrying all around/in your butt/on your backside." 

    I'm sorry!?  Whaaaat?  Yes, we've heard this more than once.  It sometimes seems that people truly do not think before speaking.  It's unfortunate. For them.  Rock that baby bottom and move away from the meanies. They're just jealous.  Or something.

    " You've got good child bearing hips."

    Yep, and if this comes from your mother-in-law, it's a long road ahead, so this is a perfect opportunity to learn something which will come in handy in the toddler years, with the toddler and many others, I-G-N-O-R-E.

    Extra bonus things to NOT say to someone expecting a third or beyond, or whose first is "spirited" or "special" and others feel like you are worn out.

    "Are you excited?"

    Um, yes, and, if I wasn't I sure as heck would not be telling you!

    "Was this planned?

    Yeah, we do know how babies are made...

    "Are you trying for a boy if you have girls/ or girl is you have all boys?"

    Oh, wow! Is that how this works?  You try for a girl or a boy???

    People say all sorts of things.  Breathe in.  breathe out.  You are perfect.  The people speaking may be lovely, but they aren't yet perfect. 

      Support 411: Bra Edition

      Support 411: Bra Edition

      As you may have already figured out, the bump isn’t the only thing that’s getting bigger and heavier these days.

      Ta-ta’s, the girls, boobs; whatever you call them, they need lift and support too.

      The best way to get support is with the right bra and a proper fit. With weight pulling on your chest muscles, and milk filling you up to the brim, it can get uncomfortable really quickly if you’re not prepared.

      Here are the bras you want and need:

      B-DD cup

      The Buttercup comes in fuller cup sizes, but most of our fuller cup moms prefer a bra with an underwire. (More on underwires below)

      It's your favorite tee shirt bra, but better with a bump and nursing.

      • clips down for easy access,
      • straps can be converted to racer back
      • buttery soft as its name suggests
      • fully lined cup
      • lower cut, but still full support
      • wireless
      • comes with a bra extender for that last month when the baby in you is maxing out your rib cage, while also fitting and allowing you to get the support you need after delivery. woohoo.

      Every Body B-DD

      Seamless! That in and of itself is already a winner, but you know it’s so much more than that. The Body Silk Seamless is perfect for the days when you want to just be comfy - all while keeping the girls in place.

       

      • supportive
      • clips down for easy feeding
      • wireless
      • wide back is smoothing and minimizes back...well, you know, no other way to say it..minimizes back fat
      • super comfy by all accounts
      • band is the right amount of width to give support and also keep anything from digging into your rib cage or the bump as you grow.

      Yoga Mama B-DD

      Body Silk Seamless Yoga because there are times a mom needs a little OM, even if it's just the bra!

                         

      • same wonderful concept as the Body Silk Seamless
      • Silver Breeze technology. What’s that mean? Sweat won’t make it immediately smelly and keeps it breathable during work out, and life
      • straps convert to racer back or not

       Every DD-H Cup

      Basically this is the Buttercup's big sister.Once you've entered this part of the alphabet, a wire just makes you feel better, and give a bra the structure that it needs to give the best support.

       

      • clips down for easy access,
      • straps can be converted to racer back
      • buttery soft and smooth
      • fully lined cup
      • lower cut full support
      • underwire
      • comes with a bra extender for that last month when the baby in you is maxing out your rib cage, while allowing you to get the support you need after delivery. woohoo.

      A word on underwires: Some lactation specialists will advise against wearing a wire.  We are not here to argue.  Bravado wouldn't make it and we wouldn't carry it if it was known to be harmful.  Ideally we get to have one of us, trained and certified bra fitters, fit you properly.  See notes below on proper fit.

        Every Body Loves This: A-G

        Seriously.  Everyone loves this nursing take on the classic CK bralet.

        Wearing a cup size above a D? Have no fear, my dear, this amazing bra also comes in Full Cup. All the same great benefits for sizes ranging from DD to G.

                             

         

        Both the Original add the Original Full Bust:

        • perfect for packing in the hospital bag,
        • perfect for wearing as a sleep bra
        • perfect for the first few weeks home
        • perfect for every day , with enough support that if the planets align and you can leave the house it's not obscene
        • no clasps
        • racer back design gives you the lift and support you’ll need as your size fluctuates between feedings
        • cottony soft and cool
        • sooooooooooooo comfy

        The Best Nursing Cami (B-DD)

        Yes.  The best.  So the moms have stated, which is why it is now is the only one we carry.  The moms spoke.  We listened.

        • support like a "real bra"
        • need a pj top? not feeling like wearing a sleep bra-yes
        • yoga - yes
        • for layering under everything-yes
        • hospital bag fave, some have even told us that they labored in it (not the white, there will be blood)
        • wireless support
        • small clasp on the straps to convert to a racer back which give you some lift on the sides if you start to feel sore

        A Word on Fit

        Oprah says that 85% of all American women are wearing the wrong size bra.  Assuming that this is true (which we assume, because Oprah said it!) then 95% of all pregnant and nursing women are probably wearing the wrong bra size.  Eek. If you can, visit and get properl fit by a trained and certified bra fitter. Not nearby, drop us a line, text us or give us a call. We all know the importance of a well-fitting bra and will help you get what you need to survive from pregnancy into nursing.

        Why fit matters: 

        1. You want to avoid stretch marks, mastitis, back pain
        2. Clothes look better
        3. A little lift goes a long way- looking droopy has made no one feel good ever.
        4. Your body and spirit will thank you

        Can't get to a Trained Certified Fit Specialist?

        Home Fitting

        Try your bras on when you get them-and pay attention to the following:

        • in the first 4 months? you should be comfortable on a tighter hook in back
        • 5-8 months?  middle hook is your goal comfort zone
        • 9th month -go for the loosest hook, and if that feels tight, that's okay, you're about to have a baby, you may look pregnant after delivery, but your rib cage will be smaller, so, at least there's that?
        • after delivery? loosest hook (elastic breaks down and this will allow you to make it tighter as the elastic breaks down)
        • look in the mirror-is the band riding up in back?  take the bra off, it's too big in the band and is not going to give you the support you deserve
        •  if you are trying on an underwire bra, feel where the wire is hitting you-it should be back off the soft tissue of the bust-under your arm somewhere
        • lean over and scoop your breast tissue towards the center.  this is particularly important with an underwire bra.  if you are spilling out of the center take the bra off, it is too small in the cup
        • we strongly recommend getting 3 different bras, you'll end up with more, but this will help you figure out which ones work best for you

        There are options that are both comfortable and cute, and get the job done right.

        Now, getting that baby to nurse and sleep on schedule, you’ll have to figure out on your own ;)

        There is so very much that we cannot be prepared for in pregnancy and parenting- getting proper bra support is one place that you can actually take control of the situation.

        Top 10 Must Have Basics

        Top 10 Must Have Basics

        At the beginning of my pregnancy, I was so very uncomfortable. Now being uncomfortable has become the new normal! I would strongly suggest going through your clothes and put away all the things that you know you can't wear.

        I was then very pleasantly surprised to see that I already had some great staples from MOM’s that I could rotate throughout my pregnancy. It was definitely more than I thought considering my wardrobe had gotten significantly smaller. Here are just the top 10 things that I would not have been able to survive without in the beginning and are now heavenly as my options dwindle down.

        #1 The Jumpsuit

        hudson jumpsuit maternity nursing one piece

        I know what you’re thinking. A jumpsuit? A one piece? How are you able to go to the bathroom! The answer is simple: easily. It all come up, it all comes down. Now zippers or hooks and The Hudson Jumpsuit is made with alex & harry’s amazing modal fabric so it’s like walking around in my pajama’s, but I look way cuter. Drop waist also doesn’t pinch anything or make me feel like I have a wedgie whenever I walk.

        #2 Leggings

        susana monaco black leggings

        In that same vein that I wanted to be comfortable above all else, Susana Monaco’s Legging was a game changer. The band is higher, but didn’t cut me off or make me feel like I was being cut in half. And who is going to say anything to me if I want to wear them as pants?

        #3 The Skirt

        At the beginning, I couldn’t stand the thought of anything on my stomach. It made me ache and so nauseous. So when I first tried the Textured Pencil Skirt from Tee’s by Tina….it made all the difference in the world. Seamless and stretchy was the perfect combo for me. I can wear it with nicer blouses or just my t shirts.

        #4 The Maxi

        The Madison Maxi is maxi to end all maxi’s. For me it all comes down to that magic modal from alex & harry, the cinched sides that flatter a not-so-bump bump, and how easy it is to style. I tend to tie a knot at the end, near my knee, and it does midi super well. Either with heels or my Wonder Woman converse. The more one thing can do the better!

        (See below for # 11 Maxi)

        #5 The Cotton Tank

        Another amazing piece from alex & harry. The Original Cinched Top! This time in a cotton that breathes with me and doesn’t sheer out so I’m not having to worry about my bra showing through. Also cinched to flatter the figure as you grow without looking frumpy.

        #6 The Textured Tank and Top

        Now that my bump has gotten bigger, a bit more noticeable, I like to be able to show it off. The Lattice Tank and Top (above) from Tee’s by Tina allows me to do that. It’s fitted, but not too constricting, while the texturing does what ruched sides does…but all over!

        #7 Denim

        With a growing bump and start of my second trimester, I have finally come to the point where I’m so gratefully to have a pair of jeans that fit.  DL1961 Power Skinny Emma in Token- I have can’t get enough of them. I was a jeans girl before and they really help me feel like myself again. Then, black jeans are a necessity  J Brand in their Seriously Black...seriously love.  The.  I said I was a jeans girl right?  Yeah, there are now a couple of pairs of Paige in my rotation, getting heavy rotation.  Three or four pairs are what most of our clients do, and now I see why?  They're jeans! We need them.  Every day!!

        # 8 Active Legging

        Okay this one isn’t technically something I need, but it is something I desperately wanted.The Active Zip Legging from Ingrid & Isabel is comfortable enough for yoga or for just walking around. You can pull the panel over the bump or leave it folder under. 

        #9 The Everyday Dress

        It's great for everything. BBQ, date night, weekends with family. The bandage dress design of it is so flattering and helps camouflage a not so hard bump. Plus it nurses. Too soon for a nursing piece? Never! Fashion and function is the name of the game with the Gwen Nursing Dress.

        #10 The Cardigan

        This is something I have had for years and will continue to wear for years to come, at least until I wear holes into it. The Kate Cascade I have worn over tops, dresses, as a wrap top and tied every way I can. It’s comfortable beyond belief and totally reasonable to have in every color.

        And, who knew that I would live in the microstripe maxi?  Not me! But, the Kate Cascade over the Microstripe Maxi is something I have been living in! And, yes, there may be more than one color in my closet;)

        Honestly, with just these pieces, and, oh a few essential short sleeve and long sleeve tops (which I have in buckets because they are must-have, pregnant or not) I could manage.  I naturally am having lots of fun adding other pieces....

        Starting an entire wardrobe from scratch for this new "blooming" body was something that you'd think I was prepared for, working here..and I had a head start, but, just another "Oh, so that's how it is." moment in this pregnancy thing!

        Breastfeeding 101: Here’s What You Should Know

        Breastfeeding 101: Here’s What You Should Know

        Not sure whether to breastfeed?

        Every woman is different and how you feed your baby is absolutely, 100% your choice.

        Nobody else’s. People will try to tell you that they know best. They don’t. It’s your body. It’s your baby. It’s your decision.  You have read that breast is best and there's plenty of data out there to back that up, but, sometimes people make other choices for their own reasons and that is what is best for their baby and that is the right thing for them and their child. (Can you tell we're sick of all the judging and shaming?)

        If you do want to go down the breastfeeding route, here's all you need  to know.  Again, there's loads more info out there, but, here's the "need to know" basics for breastfeeding.

        Oh, and let's just get this out of the way: pumping is the least sexy thing that you will ever do.  You get over that.

        Ready, Set, Nurse!


        It’s not an exam but doing some basic prep will make life easier for breastfeeding. It could be worth investing in a few nursing pieces, such as a some tops and bras ahead of time. Having these things in your wardrobe will make nursing discreetly way easier to do- without exposing your entire body, which can decrease stress levels, and that can be a very good thing.

        To pump or not to pump..

        That is the question-that you don't have to answer now!  It has zip to do with being noble. If you're going back to work away from baby then you may decide to pump. Right now, you may not know whether you will want to pump milk or not. With that in mind, you may want to hold off investing in a breast pump. You can always get one later down the line when you’ve made that decision. Save your cash and wait to see what happens. 

        If you do pump, hospital grade pumps will get more milk for less time, so,you should at least consider renting one of  those-we're a pick up point for Day One in Palo Alto. And,, we have only heard buzz, for years, but definitely check out the Willow pump-looks amazing.

        It might hurt like hell.

        Let’s not beat around the bush here. The first few times you try to breastfeed, you might just find that it hurts like hell. You’ve probably heard other mamas refer to this as ‘tenderness,’ but let’s be real. It’s painful. The thing that you need to remember here is that this is not going to last forever. In just a few days, you won’t be so sensitive.

        When your little one latches properly, you should find that the pain gets less and less noticeable. Before you even know it, you’ll be breastfeeding away like it’s no big deal. Because it is no big deal… once you get the hang of it.

        If the pain continues, do not suffer, contact a lactation consultant, move to formula, do whatever it takes to relieve the pain.  Your baby deserves a not stressed, not in pain mother.

        Nurture yourself first.

        eat healthy

        What you eat, your baby eats. Okay, not exactly, but your body is providing your little one’s food source right now. So, you need to nurture your body as much as possible. Taking your supplements and eating well is just common sense. You want to make sure that the milk you’re producing is top-notch. Your baby deserves nothing less.

        Oh, and don’t forget that you need to eat a little more than usual. BabyCenter advises that breastfeeding moms should eat around 500 calories more than they otherwise would. That could be an extra salad, some tasty yogurt and berries, or even a snack. It’s all good.

        Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate

        bpa free water bottles


        Keeping hydrated when you’re breastfeeding is essential to both your well-being and your baby’s too. Not drinking enough water? You’re making a huge mistake. Leave a water bottle in every room in the house.  Seriously. Get water bottles with straws, not twist caps.  Time is relative and when you have a newborn, suddenly you have no time, and you may just not drink water if it takes time to unscrew a cap. We know.  We sound nuts  trust us. Carry a water bottle with you wherever you go… and don’t forget to top up every now and then.

        You may not feel thirsty, but your body needs that liquid so keep it coming.

        You can breastfeed and use formula and use bottles

        baby bottles

        The two are not mutually exclusive. There is no shame in feeding your baby.  So, if you want to feed your baby formula, go right ahead and do it. Formula is more expensive.  On the other hand, it really depends upon your perspective on that cost thing- breast feeding costs a lot of time!!   You're call.  You're the boss mom.) For a number of reasons many moms supplement with formula.

        The reason is no one else's business-sometimes it's because baby is not getting the nutrition they need from breastfeeding, some babes simply cannot learn to latch on, some moms hate pumping, some moms don't have time to pump, some moms are busy.  If you’ve made the decision to breastfeed but are short on time, there is an option out there for you. You can absolutely use formula as well. You should know that doing so may mean that your milk production slows down a little. It happens – don’t panic about it.  It's all good mama.

        Plus mixing these two feeding options means that you don’t always need to be there when your baby needs to feed. Phew! Sometimes, the other parent or a friend can take the reigns and give it a go too. Actually, many a non-birth parent love the opportunity to share in the feeding.  Remember, it’s important to consult with your doctor when making this decision. Talk to them and they can help you figure out what works for you. Simple.

        It might not work

        And if breastfeeding does not work, this is not a crisis, and it most certainly does not make you a bad mother. 

        We have heard more stories from tortured, weepy, overwhelmed mothers trying desperately to nurse, and in the end, what is best for mom and baby is feeding baby-not where the food comes from!

        The odds are with you on this one, the majority of women who decide to nurse succeed.

        Like about everything else about being a mom, this one can be easy, or it can be hard  Every body and every baby is different. 

        Should I do a Newborn Photo Session ? Pregnancy photo shoot?

        Should I do a Newborn Photo Session ? Pregnancy photo shoot?

        Should you plan a maternity shoot?  Should you schedule a newborn photo session?

        First off-we rarely tell you what you should do, there are plenty of other folks who are more than happy to do that!  We don't care what you do, we just want you to be happy and make decisions that you feel good about; in style and so much more. (A disclaimer is needed here for anyone who has ever shopped with us for denim in store-we get a little bossy and strongly advise on sizing.)

        The real question is "Do you want to invest in a pregnancy or newborn photo shoot?"  It's your call.  And, here's the thing to consider-there is a very small window, so, we do feel that you might want to give it some thought in advance.

        There is no right or wrong, there is only a what is right for YOU!  What do you want?

        Things to consider:

        Pregnancy Photos:

        • There are going to be plenty of pictures of you pregnant, do you want one that you could hang on a wall?  (Not that you have to do that.)
        • If you want to celebrate your pregnancy with a professional shoot, what is your dream? 
        • Is it black and white and all about the bump?

        • Do you want skin, no skin or both?
        • Do you want a spouse represented as part of the process?

        • Do you want a picture of your and your family on a beach/forest//field?

        (and, yes, that's our very own Dede, pregnant with her now 6 year old)

        • Reach out to a photographer early to schedule your session when the bump is ready for it's close up.

        Newborn Photos:

        • There will be about a billion pictures of your beautiful perfect baby.
        • The thing about having a newborn is this: you have a newborn.

        • You may not have time to take the ideal picture that you will want on the walls in ten or twenty years. 

        • Think about what you want here as well; baby in a basket? On a bed? Props or no props?

        • Another thing to consider when making a decision to get professional pictures: There will be a million pictures, but there may be zero pictures of you, your spouse and the baby/babies!

        • There may be virtually no pictures of the whole family. And even fewer in which everyone looks even remotely good, someone always has "that face" or their eyes shut-it's just a thing. 

        Do your research.

        Taking some time to find a photographer is important.  Sometimes your wedding photographer is a good option. Sometimes they are good for weddings, good with newborns...but those newborns grow! Are they the right fit for your family? (And they might be!)

        In working with a photographer you are building a long term relationship!

        And, like any long term relationship, it's good to know what you want and to take time entering the relationship!!  

        _________________________________________________________________

        We have been fortunate to partner with many amazing photographers through the years, women who make moms, and dads,happy.  They  always offer our clients a special promo when we have them hang a show on our walls.  With your $300 in-store purchase you will be eligible for a complimentary sitting (a roughly $300 value), just ask your stylist at checkout and we'll give you your card.   Currently Classic Kids is hanging in LA (and they have locations in Los Gatos and Burlingame, so, if you like their style, they are happy too offer this promo in these 3 Caifornia locations), One Love Photography is hanging in San Francisco and this year we are thrilled to have Lisa DeNeffe Photography in Palo Alto. Lisa has an amazing range of styles and she also offers in studio, in home or outside options. 

        Lisa's offer includes:

        • Making the appointment for either maternity or newborn photos
        • A session to discuss location and type of photography you'd like
        • Time with a professional photographer, about an hour
        • Order session two weeks after your initial shoot

        From start to finish they are honestly amazing.

        Here's a little more from Lisa:

        For over 10 years, Lisa DeNeffe Photography has been transforming the way families enjoy and live with their photography by creating memories that will be treasured for a lifetime.

        I LOVE being able to capture true emotion for a lifetime and being part of your family’s most precious moments. Having families come back to me year after year is an honor that is hard to put into words. For those of you who have worked with me, thank you so much for that gift. And for those of you who haven’t had the opportunity to meet and work with me yet – please get in touch! We always start the process with a complimentary planning session to be sure that we are the best fit and to understand your goals and desires. Photography is the best thing I’ve done in my life. I keep counting my lucky stars to be doing what I love and bringing joy to families. 

         

        What we do: We specialize in finished fine art products that capture the essence of your family and are designed to last for generations. Our wall portraits are customizable, frame-less fine art pieces ready to install on your walls. We design unique collections of your favorite images specific to your interior spaces.  

        What about digitals? Digitals are both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because they are easy to share online but also a curse because they end up on old hard drives or phones. Someday our children and grandchildren will have no box to open with that framed photo, canvas or album as we did. Your photos are your legacy. This is why Lisa DeNeffe Photography is a finished product photographer.

         

        We love making you products to create and preserve your legacy. Time and time again our families tell us how much they treasure their wall art and we truly believe our motto: "Let your family be your art!" But we do offer digitals as part of our collections, a la carte, and in our wedding packages. 

        Check out their Babies portfolio and their Wall Art. Still have questions? Check them out at lisadeneffe.com and get in contact with their awesome team!