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    Parenting Primer: Time

    Parenting Primer: Time

    There is a saying, "Time is on your side", and the Stones sang "Time is on My Side" but, seriously?! Whoever said that did not have children. 

    And time has changed.  These things were said before Pokemon, before Twitter, before Instagram, before Facebook, before Pinterest, before email! You know, in the dark ages.

    How Time has Changed

    Now added to parenting; places to post pictures; emails to respond to; pins to find tonight's maybe-dinner before you just order dinner and look for vacation spots quickly, so you have time to go back and check all those parenting blogs to make sure that you're parenting alright (hopefully after day 2 you gave up on "right")....oh, and hold on, the kids want some time.  Riiiiight. 

    I just bought a car.  The pile on the right is the manuals.  On the left, the "getting to know your new car" pamphlet. I might read the pamphlet. Maybe. I already have a license, and insurance, and credit, so, they're not really worried. 

     Where's the Manual for this thing?!

    No one has time for the manuals.  The same with parenting.  If you read every book and blog you'll be overwhelmed.  Not a good thing.  Keep your eyes on the road/the baby. You'll do fine.

    The manual/books/blogs are there if you need them. Seriously. If you feel too terrified, sad, scared, depressed- hire a professional. There's no shame in that if it's in the budget, if it's not in the budget, there are hotlines and services, no shame in that either.  The experts have time to read the manuals!

    A Word on Doing it Right

    You're doing it right.  Perfectly?  No.  Right?  Yes.. First baby?  You've never done it before, and it's really important, you want to make sure that you read the manual for the right year's model. But. They are all different.  Which is wonderful, but means that there is no manual. You have to read a little here and a little there and then look at your baby and talk to friends and family and do what feels right to you. 

    And.  You will make mistakes.

    You will start to go down that one way street the wrong way, you'll run that "yellow" light. Good odds that that beloved bundle will roll off something-a bed, a chair, your lap, a changing table, a stair.  Completely unscientific survey?  Most do.  You and baby will be fine.  The odds are with you.

    Time is Relative

    And time? Time is on your side.  Let the urgent things slip slide away.  Focus on the important.  Enjoy the next fifteen minutes.  If it feels okay, try the next fifteen. Whatever feels okay to you, take the time when you can.  You don't get that new car smell back, or that top of baby's head smell either.

    There used to be, written in cement, at the corner of Clayton and Fell in San Francisco "Time is Money. Save Some Today".  I don't live over there any longer.  I often wonder if it's still there.  I have't had time to look.  That's okay.  It's not that important.  I'll save that time for something else.  It's a choice:)

    Comfort Dressing

    Comfort Dressing

    Some days, we all need a little comforting. The world is wide and wonderful in so many ways, and, as discussed with a mama 2b the the other day, it is important not to lose sight of that. 

    And to laugh and smile.

    don't sweat it, smile:)

    This mama was trying to get her head around the tragedy going on in the world around her, and was feeling like all she wanted was "comfort food and comfort dressing".  So, she was bringing on the mac and cheese big time apparently, and was in for a duplication of the outfit that she was wearing, in different colors, "I just can't seem to really change my clothes every morning, and my husband, bless him, said that I look beautiful, but suggested that maybe the shop had these pieces in other colors? Ha!"

    This is  what she wore in:

    This is what she wore out -apparently she really had been wearing the same thing for 3 days and knew that her sanity and a degree of happiness could be achieved just by changing clothes.  "Plus, my husband will know that what I keep saying is true, I really am okay-hormonal, weepy, tired, but, caring about what i look like, and changing clothes might make him believe me!" 

    And, at the risk of pushing it, we suggested a pair of the softest jeans ever, and she admitted that they were the softest ever, and maybe "real pants" in her closet would not be a bad thing, so, she added those and went home, saying that she felt like they should go out to dinner now that she had changed her clothes!

    Fashion means different things to different people.  What makes you feel good is personal, and can change from day to day, but clothes do matter, they do make most people feel better.  We get to witness this every day.  And we are thankful.

     

     

     

    Letting Go Parenting

    Letting Go Parenting

    I love pieces like this one by a successful adult. Articles that provide proof that it all works out, that parents do the best that they can, and sometimes things don’t go the way that they want, but they do go and it’s okay-even if they don’t potty train til 4!

    So many of the moms we work with worry and fret about every milestone-tracking, grabbing, rolling, teething, crawling, walking, and the dreaded potty training. We all worry to varying degrees. I regularly find myself reminding moms that the odds are all good-they roll, they crawl, they get teeth and they potty train. And there isn’t a single college application out there that asks when you took your first step or broke your first tooth.    

    And, here is an article which allows perhaps a little letting go of fear.  It all works out.  And they become who they are.  Rachel Bloom managed to do okay for herself;)

    In this honest, and of course hysterical, piece she discusses in the NYTimes how she remembers why she had no interest in pooing in a potty, her perspective on it all-then and later.  The fact that she remembers it all is remarkable.  But, of course, there is a video. Parenting.  Ha!

    So, pay attention to your comfort level, ask for help when you need it, hold to your boundaries when you ake them-it's all gonna be fine. 

     

    Things Moms say. A lot.

    Things Moms say.  A lot.

    We hear this daily.  Okay.  Hourly.  Mom's walk in and say "Wow, being a mom has changed me in so many ways, and it's not just my boobs, I say <insert one of the below here> so often!"

    • i meant to...
    • where did i put...
    • do not put the plastic bag over the baby's head
    • i have to pee!
    • why don't i have another arm?
    • is it time for someone to sleep yet?  (like me!)

    and we don't here this one that often, but it will forever be a fave

    • i used to negotiate million dollar deals, and now i'm negotiating the craziest things, like ''you can eat your own boogers, you cannot eat your sister's!'

    Motherhood. It's humbling, hard and the best ever!

    Invaluable Tips Every New Mom Needs

    Invaluable Tips Every New Mom Needs

    If there is one thing a mom-to-be doesn’t need, it is more advice. The lady in the grocery store, the man at the next gas pump and every blessed family member has advice for an expectant mom.

    But most of it is impractical and not realistic, honestly. “Sleep when the baby sleeps,” for instance, assumes your baby will sleep at all and that you won’t have one million other things to do — like laundry and cooking.

    We don’t do moms-to-be any favors by glossing over the less romantic, more realistic advice they really do need to get through those first months. Here are six invaluable tips every new mom actually needs to hear:

    1. Two of You Will Go Home in Diapers

    Sure, you know the baby will go home in diapers. But did you know that you will probably wear diapers, too?

    Let’s get real. Your lady parts don’t go back to normal right away, and you’ll have days — and weeks — of bleeding and recovery ahead of you. Once the flow gets lighter, you can switch to pads, but in the beginning, lots of nurses and other moms recommend going for adult diapers. It’s easier just to throw them away when you go to the bathroom.  

    Also, take whatever free samples the hospital will give you. Some extra mesh underwear, adult diapers and spray bottles will help you in those first hazy days.

    One more pro tip: If you have more than one bathroom at home, leave supplies in each.

    1. Keep the Baby Clothed but the Car Seat Naked

    Well-meaning friends and relatives will get you all kinds of car seat accessories, like toys to hang from the handle and fancy covers and liners. 

    However, those car seat accessories are not part of the rigorous safety testing each seat must undergo. They could cause harm if in an accident, or they might even interfere with the harness itself. In some cases, those trinkets void your seat’s warranty as well. Basic — and safe — is best when it comes to the car seat.

    1. Swim Diapers Are Not Made Equal

    Taking baby for their first swim is so much fun. The look on your little one’s face as they feel the water all around them is priceless. But your entire experience can be soiled — pun intended — by relying too much on the swim diapers.

    Don’t put baby in the swim diaper until you’re at the pool or the beach. The swim diapers don’t actually hold a lot of water, which is what keeps them from sagging once in the pool. However, that means if little one tinkles while on dry land, it will probably go everywhere. Consider yourself warned. 

    1. Your Nipples Will Hurt — And Leak

    Images of moms snuggling their babies, all wrapped in cute blankets and radiating a dewy glow, aren’t entirely realistic. Sure, you’ve just brought another human into the world and the joy and euphoria is overwhelming at times.

    Side note: Sometimes you don’t feel joy. You feel anxiety, which is normal. You are now completely responsible for this tiny human — and there are no instructions.

    However, reach out for help if you think you might be experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety. It’s more common than you think, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

    Anyway, what those images don’t convey is the pain that mom is feeling in her nipples. Baby has to learn to latch correctly, and while they practice, your nipples are going to hurt like the dickens. Nipple ointment or coconut oil and soft breast pads will be your friends, since leaking is normal as well.  You’ll also want to invest in some solid, cozy nursing apparel to feel more like a human so you’re not living in your oversized tees or stretching your v-necks to the point of no return.

    While we are on the topic of boobs, it is also normal to experience engorgement as your milk comes in and baby’s appetite increases. Stick to well fitting bras and change your nursing pads regularly to avoid clogged ducts and infection. 

    1. Fed Is Best

    On the other hand, your baby might not be latching because breastfeeding hasn’t worked out for you, or because you’ve decided it’s not the best choice for your family. 

    Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for not breastfeeding. Remember that while “breast is best” and “bottle is better” or any other slogan that might be repeated to you, at the end of the day, fed is best. Just feed that baby — whichever way is best for mom and little one.

    1. There Is a Witching Hour — or Four

    Your baby has been in a cozy, peaceful place — your body — for the last nine months. Now they’re in a crazy world with all kinds of stimulation. They’re bound to get overwhelmed, and they express it during a time many moms call “the witching hours.”

    Some experts refer to these months of getting used to the world as “The Fourth Trimester,” when fussiness, gassiness, and general sleeplessness is at an all-time high. 

    Survive these first few months, and it really does get easier. In the meantime, try to re-create life in the womb to avoid the witching hour by playing white noise, swaddling baby tightly or wearing baby in a wrap or carrier. 

     

    If there is one thing you can definitely expect while you’re expecting, it is advice. But most of it is cliché and not very practical. These invaluable tips will help make those first bleary-eyed days just a little easier.

    from Mindfulness Mama-

    "find inner peace-even if you can't find your keys"