Let's be honest, most New Year's Resolutions are out the door by Martin Luther King Day. Here are some resolutions that will have you feeling more sane in the new year.
1. Put your phone down. And leave it there. For an hour. Every day.
We know, eyeroll, and this sounds so sanctimonious. Obviously, this helps you be more present, focused and “hands free.”
It is also an act of self care. It is really nice to be inaccessible for a least an hour every day. We also like that social media and the conscious or unconscious need to compare ourselves, our lives and our kids to the rose colored filter of social media gets turned off for an hour.
2. Stop apologizing for Insert Perceived Imperfection Here
What do you apologize for that maybe you don't have to? Everyone has laundry, and dishes it’s ok if sometimes people see it. We promise no one is going to stop being your friend because you have a sink of dirty dishes or a laundry couch of clean clothes or whatever else you think they're going to judge you for. And if they do, you are better off without them. True story: one of us invited a friend over and their response was “Can we just come over or are you going to do that thing where you apologize about your messy house for 20 minutes-when it’s actually fine?”
How many times have you apologized for X? If you apologize for it constantly, chances are no one wants to hear it again. Can you change it? And. Do you want to change it?! Or are you just feeling less-than? You are perfect-as are your kids and your house.
3. Stop comparing.
There is so much talk about how social media makes us compare ourselves to others. And it's a real thing. This can be especially tough on moms.
Whether it is the humbling bragging of other moms, you know “SoulCycle. Done. Whole Foods. Done. 3 loads of laundry. Done. Meal Prep for the week. Done. I can’t believe how much I can get done before school pick up! #MomLife” Or “Oh, the struggles of raising a gifted child. Michael just gets so bored in Kindergarten. He is reading Harry Potter while everyone else is still reading Piggie and Elephant. #ProudMom #GiftedProblems.” Or the Pinterest and Instagram Mom taking her perfectly dressed toddler on a picturesque picnic in the park.
Kids (and adults;) are all wired differently and all do things at different times. Some kids hit milestones early, some kids surpass the bell curve, some kids are into sitting still and enjoying a picnic, some never sit still.
Take time to enjoy your kid doing what your kid enjoys doing. That is what matters. And, you know it, so, how are you going to remind yourself? (See #1 and 2:)
4. Get comfortable with being vulnerable.
Really. Deep. Breathe.
When someone says “How are you?” and you are really struggling with something. Own. That. Shit.
That doesn’t mean go on and on and on in front of the grocery store or at school drop off. But give a real answer, not “Fine. Everything is great, you?” if it isn’t.
Everyone, especially moms of young kids, are going through a lot. It is easier to have meaningful conversations if you are able to be honest about where you are and what you need. This is super scary for a lot of us, but once the initial discomfort is over, it can lead to the connection and support we all need.
You and your kids? All perfect. And changing. And growing.
Practice these resolutions every day and you can grow new neural pathways. Really. It's a thing.
Here's to another trip around the sun. Make it a good one. Happy 2019 to all!